Frustrations Galore...

Driving...

Driving long distances.
Driving when others back seat drive
Driving when others cringe when you're driving.

Being told (in mixed company) by two different family members that they cringed and held their breath when being driven someplace by you.

I have a good mind to just say... No Problem... You don't like my driving? you drive. I'll be the designated Drinker, no questions asked, no answer.

Tonight however, We drove 500 miles back from visiting a friend.

I drove the first 150 miles (2 hrs @75mph)
then we stopped. traded drivers. Wife took second shift, drove from 11:15 to 2:15 pm.
Stopped for lunch, met daughter for lunch, in a comment during lunch, was told she hates driving with me, and then wife drove again from 4:00 until almost 8pm.

And she only stopped to trade drivers because I said I needed a snack.


(to me at least) This was the weekend from hell.

I think in the past thirty years, I have gone from being a teen-aged boy, complete with all the problems of a teen-ager, and gone through a great deal of transformations.

I have managed to discover that my childhood was not idylic, was not perfect, and was not all my fault. (Start of digression)

In discovering that ADHD diagnosed in Adults is often a huge surprise, I discovered that my favorite song growing up (Simon and Garfunkle's, "I am a rock") was helpful despite the fact that no one liked me.

In getting diagnosed with adult adhd, I can safely say that social cues, and the inability to read and react to them caused most of the problems in my childhood.
(End of digression)

Well I will say that since the time that I discovered that ADHD surpressed my understanding body language, that I have had a total transformation in my understanding of interpersonal language and cues.

I will go further and say, that because I have become more religious, I have also managed to become more introspective, and thus discover a number of my flaws, that went beyond the ADHD. I'd even take one LARGE leap, and say that because of my looking closely at myself, I have been able to forgive a number of people in my life that have hurt me in different ways.

This weekend was very difficult. I feel I've moved on. I've improved. I've managed to get past a great many obstacles. I've managed to even forgive people that hurt me. So to be with my sister-in-law,for an extended weekend, for the first time in nearly 10 years, and to be treated as If I was simply the same as the last time I was with her was madenning.

I did manage to convey some of this frustration to her, in a calm, apparently civil fashion, by explaining that in the past 15years that I've grown, and been able to forgive, and actually have empathy for those that hurt me. She replied that she isn't hurt, isn't angry (right I say to myself), and just doesnt care. I pointed out that it sounded like she was still extremely angry for what had happened to her as a child, and that she absolutely sounded like she was still very aggrieved about it, and that she absolutely DID not get over it.

Ehh... My answer is that this weekend had so much of my being insulted (this person's method of interacting is her witty rejoinders, (which to me, now, are quite stinging, and barbed,) and no longer as witty as I once found them!

There was so much negativity and bad "karma" (and I use that word very very sparingly!), that my entire reaction to the weekend was that the bad karma spread from her to us, and to everyone we even saw today.

Back to driving.

After having finally pulled over at 8pm, I was told the reason she was pushing herself so hard was that she too (dear wife) felt as if she was holding on for her dear life.

Thank heavens, I went into the Wendy's to get my soda and baked potatoes. I was gone for nearly 15 minutes, and by the time I got into the car, she was in the passenger seat.

I decided that rather then do the first thing that came to my mind (slamming the door closed, and saying go home yourself, i 'll get home later in the week!) I thought through the implications, and instead decided to humor her.

Instead of driving at 75 like I did on the first leg of the trip, I set the cruise control for 63mph. I accelerated only 4 times faster then this, when I actually needed to pass someone who was going my speed.

so instead of getting home the last 140 miles in 2 hours, it took three hours.

And next time, I may just driver at 55mph, with my flashers on...

but the last problem is that I now need to sell my six flags season ticket, because
a) I will not buy a $50.00 season parking ticket.
b) I will not drive my daughter in my car to the park, because I've found out she abhors being in the car with me.
c) So I now have no way to get to the park to park...

SIGH!!!